The first post i ever wrote on this blog was about growing up. I look back now and it's insane to think about how much has changed since then. I have changed so much and so has my life. The other day i was scrolling through my twitter and i came across a picture and i couldn't not write a blog post about it. So i hope you enjoy this post all about lost friendships.
Growing up i always thought my friends would be by my side forever. I thought that the people i was close with when I was 14 were going to be the people i would be close with for life. The people i would invite to my wedding some day or the people whose kids would be best friends with mine, but in reality that isn't what life is like.
I had some amazing friends growing up. I had the kinds of friendships that people now call #friendshipgoals. The friendships where i could get a call at 11pm telling me my best friends were outside and i'd be out till god knows what time just sitting there and talking, the friendships where you binge watched TV shows together and got pissed if the other person watched an episode without you and i loved it. But things change so fast in life and nothing stays the same for long.
It's crazy how you can go from talking to someone everyday, to not talking at all. Slowly as the years go on you'll lose friends you never thought you would, and this was something that i was never told. I never thought that I would lose the friendships that I had years ago because I was naive enough to think that everything stays the same.
It's the friendships you never expect to lose that you lose. I know right now writing this that there is a 1/100 chance that any of my 'lost friends' will be reading this because that's just how life works. But i do miss them. I miss the late night talks where I would cry with laughter and the secret nicknames we would give people. But now we're too grown up for those things right? Now we are supposed to be able to go months without talking but still be close.
Now don't get me wrong I know people change and that is a big part of life and you can't stay the same forever. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt to let go. So many people tell you that now you're 'grown up' that you have to be strong, responsible and basically flip the switch on your emotions but not everybody can and I know for sure i can't.
A lot of my friendships have changed in the past 9 months. Friends have moved away to University while i've stayed at home and got a job. So many things can have an effect on a friendship and sometimes it is just easier to blame the other person instead of realising that you are changing too. I know i sound like a loser saying this but i am jealous of some of my friends. They've grown into incredible people over the past few months and although yes i am insanely proud of them i'm jealous too. I'm jealous that they have everything i don't, the new friends, the new life goals. The new them.
I miss my 'lost friends' more than i thought i would. I miss the old them, the old us. I'm mad at them for how much they've changed but at the same time i'm mad at myself because i didn't make enough effort to keep up with everything that was going on. I'm mad that i know i can write this blog post but never write this to them because they would never understand what i say now. Because no matter how much I am jealous of how much they have changed I have changed too and sometimes you have to accept that things aren't going to be the same as they used to be, and that's ok because when a door closes another door opens.
Just remember friends can break your heart too.
I have so many great friends in my life right now and I will be forever grateful for them. I have friends i've been friends with for months who make me smile daily and i have friends i've had for years who make me so proud to know them because of how far they have come. I have lost friends and although i miss them more than words can say I am grateful for the friends I have because I am incredibly lucky.
Losing friends is a huge part of life that nobody ever talks about but it happens to everyone. It hurts and that's ok because letting go of anybody is hard. But you do have to let go. You can't hold on forever. Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it difficult.
I hope you enjoyed this post on lost friendships, i know it was a little more down than usual but it was just something I had to get off my chest.
Thanks for reading,